When Everything Screams Louder Than the Thing You Love
It’s just a book I believe in, even when everything else makes me question what the hell I’m doing.
Ever feel like your brain has too many tabs open and not enough caffeine to manage them? All you want is to focus on what truly matters, but everything else keeps getting louder.
That’s where I am right now.
On one side, there’s the quiet, focused space where I actually get to write. The kind of deep work that steals hours and leaves me blinking at the clock, wondering how it’s suddenly two in the morning. The kind where a character drops a truth bomb mid-scene and you just sit there, wrecked and proud of it. Then there’s the other side, the one that keeps tugging on my sleeve and asking if I’ve made content for next week yet.
Marketing Is Not the Muse
At the moment, I’m supposed to be writing taglines. You know the ones that say, “If you liked this, you’ll love mine,” even though trying to compare your book to someone else’s feels like explaining your heartbreak using a stranger’s love story.
I’m also supposed to be batching content. Not the fun kind where I get to ramble about my characters, but the kind that means figuring out how to make a month’s worth of videos in one afternoon and somehow seem charming and not dead inside. Meanwhile, all I want to do is sit down and tell you about the mess I made on page 243.
So What’s This Book About Anyway?
The truth is, I wrote something that doesn’t fit in a clean little box. It blends genres and leans into emotion, which I love, but it also makes marketing a nightmare.
My debut novel is coming out next month. That feels like a dream and a panic attack in equal measure. It’s a suspense romance with emotional trauma and adventure. Think Mr. Robot meets You, but with a female lead who is an equal match. She’s sharp, self-contained, capable of absolutely ruining you, but she melts when given the kind of praise only one person knows how to offer. And boy, does he know how!
It’s a story about obsession, trust, control, and the places we hide ourselves until someone sees through it all. Finding love doesn’t mean changing, but matching with someone who loves you for who you are today.
Letting Go of the Thing That’s Just Yours
Soon this book won’t just be mine anymore. These characters who’ve lived in my head for months, who I’ve obsessed over and protected and rebuilt, are about to be handed off to the world. That is a particular kind of terrifying. Not because I think people will hate it, but because they might not understand it. Or worse, they might understand it completely and see the parts of me hiding between the lines.
Maybe that’s why I keep busy with marketing. Perhaps all these posts, graphics, and lists are just another way to avoid the fear that comes with being truly seen. Because even when I’m doing “the work,” I know I’m also just trying to control the one part of this that still feels like it’s mine.
The Books That Are Waiting for Me (And You)
I’ve got four books planned in the Hidden Truths series, and two more spin-offs are already demanding space in my brain. I want to write them. I need to write them. But most days I’m just trying to figure out what the algorithm wants from me. Should I be lip-syncing to trending audios? Sharing aesthetic quotes over grainy video clips? Whispering morally gray lines in front of moody lighting? I’m not sure. What I do know is I’m tired, and I’m still here.
What I Really Want to Talk About
What I really want is to tell you about my characters. I want to talk about the decisions they regret and the ones they make anyway. I want to explain why they lie and what they’re protecting. I want to share the pieces of them that feel like they belong to me, too. But instead, I’m trying to make a quote graphic go viral.
Even so, this part matters. Talking to you. Because if you’re still reading this, then maybe you’re like me. Maybe you’re the one who holds things together. The one who handles it, whatever “it” is, even when you’re running on fumes. And maybe what you really want is to feel seen without having to ask for it.
No Polished Endings Here
So here I am, being real with you.
If we could, I’d hand you a cup of too-strong coffee, sit on the floor, and tell you everything I’ve planned. The plot twists. The betrayals. The heartbreaks no one sees coming. We’d probably laugh about how absurd it all is, and then we’d get quiet, because some of it hits too close to home.
And if you’re here at the end of this, then maybe this story is for you too. Preorders are open. I’ll be grateful to share this story with you, and if you pick it up, know it’s not a product. It’s a story I keep coming back to, even when I’m tired, overwhelmed, and honestly sick of hearing my own voice.
And honestly, that feels like enough right now.
Nicky xox